woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
