I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
