I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
