He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
