Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
