I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
