my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
