So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
