just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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