please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
