I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
