Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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