There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
