we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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