Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
