i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
