I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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