We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
