I wish they made helmets for livers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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