You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
