The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
