And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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