Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
