My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
