used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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