Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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