this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
