3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
