The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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