maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
