There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
