i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
