Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
