I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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