i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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