I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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