The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
