i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
