Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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