Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
