I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
