Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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