Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
