Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
