6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
