What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
porn star boner night. come get it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
