I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize