I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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