It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
