I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
