mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
