i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
