How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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