You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
