I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
