My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
