my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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