I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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