Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish you could order shots online.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My ass is underappreciated
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize