bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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