Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
