I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
