I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
