I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
