I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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