I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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