All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
