Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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