So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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