no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
