We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
