Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
