i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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