I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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